Getting A Little Personal

One day we all head into the hospital solely responsible for ourselves and 48 hours later we leave forgetting that we exist and only survive/live to raise good, decent, kind human beings that we protect with our entire mind, body and soul. Protect them so hard that not nothing will hurt them. Or so you think.

In August I was hit with a major curve ball. An issue that related to my kids. It hit me hard and it hurt. As a mom you know the type of hurt, where you struggle to breath. Literally. Days, nights, a week or two went by and I was in a fog. Trying to figure out when I, as a mom, messed up.

Finally, one day (after a week or so in my fog) there was an extended family quarrel. I left with my kids in hand and stayed up most of the night. I cried. I sobbed. I woke up.

The quarrel woke me up to the reality of what is important in my life and what I needed to invest my energy in. This quarrel was all about how this person “felt” and the feelings of other people and what they feel. At not one point asking or knowing the struggle I was enduring with my own children.

I know I know. You are wondering what that struggle is and out of respect for my kids I will not ever say on a public platform, but just know it was enough to throw a mom into a tailspin.

It was the extended family quarrel that woke me up from a week of fog. That very next day everything changed. How my kids went to bed. How my kids woke up. How my kids learn, shared and loved. How my kids played, spoke and got by. How MY family, as a whole, was going to survive in this world as one unit.

So, with that, I needed a few weeks, okay, maybe a month or more, to make the new become the new normal. Once I felt the new normal was solidified I would then reflect on the need or desire to go back to growing my business and portfolio.

Here we are. My family is good. We are safe. We are strong. We are striving and surviving. We are not done and continue to grow, but now I know we will be okay. The routine is going and I take a step back and think, do I go back to what I enjoy doing.

Now, I am no social media icon. I don’t have a following that is abnormal but I post. I post for one reason and one reason only, to keep a log,  a portfolio of who I am in that moment. I love the idea that years, decades from now we can go back and see what and where we were. I share truly because I care. I know it sounds corny but I love to do a client project that has a great shade of gray with an amazing ottoman and post it so maybe one person out there will click over and get the same item to complete their space. AT THE SAME time, years from now I can look back, my kids can look back to last week and see what “mommy was doing when they were in school.”

After the worse month I have reflected. I realized that my instagram, my Facebook, my twitter, isn’t for you, but for me. I got my family in check, I got them back in balance. Now I need to remember that I need to stay sane, I need to stay balanced, I need to stay in check, and yes, for me, writing up my reviews, writing up my projects, my clients designs and posting them does that. It is my outlet to my crazy world.

So, buckle up, cause the bitch is back and its real. New workshops. New onsite and live seminars. New clients. New projects and collaborations. New posts. More posts. More personal. More real.